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([personal profile] naodrith May. 11th, 2010 12:41 pm)
So summer drama is coming up, and let me just tell you right now, I have been having the most absolutely appalling time pulling it together. It's not entirely my fault. But it is mostly my fault.

We do not have a script. This, in and of itself, is not unusual. Murder Inc was the only one of the plays that I finished well ahead of time, possibly even before auditions! Happily Ever After got a bit dicey toward the end, and I finished it the night before our first rehearsal, but most of it was done before then, I just got lazy (and one of the best scenes I have ever written is in fact part of that last-minute finish, too). Then came False Colors: I stayed up literally all night before our first rehearsal to finish that one. And finally, last year, Parker Family Values...which I am ashamed to say was only finished after the first two rehearsals. I believe we only did Acts I and II for that time, which was okay because HALF MY CAST WASN'T THERE.

Ahem. Also I cut a character last-minute and had to rethink a bunch of plot and interaction and stuff.

So this year, with one week until auditions and a week and a half until first rehearsal, I...I don't even know which play we are doing. At the moment, there are two options, both of them barely begun. The first is the one I promised everyone we would do; it's been in the works since...oh, it must have been 2006, I think, because I distinctly remember reading the first scene with people at school. People have been very excited for this script, but it's just not gelling right now. Part of the problem is that I absolutely MUST have two males, and I only know for certain I have one; part of it is that I may have to cut a few characters because I might not have enough people period, and that would drastically alter what I have in mind.

The second one, on the other hand, I'm super excited about, but I don't precisely know where it's going or what is happening, and I keep getting cold feet and thinking "No, no, this will NEVER WORK, are you mad, go write the other one."

All right, moving right along from script woes to schedule woes. Now, I was determined not to let things sneak up on me this time, although I still let it slide more than I should have. A few weeks ago (we're talking early-mid April, so by now, closer to a month) I sent an email to the principal basically asking if we were still on, and if he needed anything from me.

Two weeks went by without word. I was terrified of being obnoxious and emailing again, but finally I worked up the nerve; he responded almost immediately, so I don't know if the first email didn't go through, or if he got it and then forgot to respond, or what. I'm not blaming! I'm just saying: two weeks of waiting, because I am cripplingly shy and terrified of social interaction where I might be at fault for something. So that did NOT help.

By the time I got the go-ahead, we were into May. No problem, thinks I; rehearsals don't start until June, so we have a few weeks to scrape together auditions and the like...

Oh. Except, wait a minute, I forgot to check the website. This year, finals are the first week of June. We are emphatically NOT ALLOWED to rehearse on finals days, because people are supposed to be studying. And wait a minute: not only have I been telling everyone - EVERYONE, including people who are planning for vacation - that performances WILL BE June 25-27, but we couldn't move them back a week ANYWAY, because once again the Fourth of July is on the weekend. And it is absolutely not kosher to go a further week into July.

Meaning, well, shit. Just lost a full week of rehearsal when I didn't have enough rehearsal time ANYWAY.

I'm currently in the process of SCRAMBLING to make things work out okay. Auditions are next Wednesday; with luck fliers and announcements will be starting today. I only know I have six actors, although I have hopes for a few others and we might get some new people too; I can't do either play with six actors, unfortunately, and what if one (OR MORE) of them has to back out? Especially since they just got one week's notice on auditions, and one week's notice on rehearsal times.

Rehearsals which, as I mentioned above, are going to be starting, for the FIRST TIME, during the school year. There's just no other option. So we'll have rehearsals the final week of May, take a break for the finals days, and pick it up again on the other side.

We're so screwed, and it's still possible - because once again, no response from the administration - that I won't even be allowed to have after school rehearsals the week BEFORE finals, either.

And on top of all this - ALL THIS - my grandfather may have found me another job. I have two, mind you; one is a once-weekly childcare gig that I hate and have been trying to quit for months, the other is as an on-call stagehand for an arena which is usually once or twice a month, if that. But still, that's two jobs I have to work around to do summer drama, and I consider the drama, despite it being done for free because I love it, to be the most important of the lot. Because it's the only one that's creative, and because I still think maybe one day I'll go back into theatre for real, and this will be awesome for my resume. (Not to mention I did get paid for fall drama, and coming back for the summer might help me win that gig again - if not this year, then in the future.)

Now, I could definitely use the money. I have two out-of-state trips planned for later in the year that I'm desperately trying (and failing) to save up for, though that's another post unrelated to drama woes. What is related to drama woes: I absolutely cannot take another job during the months of May and June. I. Cannot. Do. It. I don't care if it's fifteen hours a week. I don't care if it's proofreading. I don't care how goddamn flexible they can be (although I don't know that, even) or what career opportunities it could lead to down the road. At this point, with the schedule this much of a mess and the script not finished and maybe not even enough actors and the horrible, but not-so-distant, possibility that I am going to have to compile a THIRD script on the fly because I won't have enough actors for either one I want to do - I can't do it. Not right now. Not until July.

But of course, my mother will NOT let up about when do I want to go in for the interview. I DON'T. I don't want to fuck around with making a resume; resumes always make me feel like total shit because the job I have now is the only one I have ever held for more than a few months, and I was fired from almost all of them, because I was a crappy kid, okay. Oh, and I'm a college dropout, that's cool too! JESUS FUCK, what does she not understand about how going for jobs makes me feel? I hate interviews, because I hate interacting with strangers. On top of that, no one will TELL ME WHAT THE JOB IS. I've heard the word internship. I've heard the word proofreading. I've heard something about CBS. I don't understand ANYTHING about this. What the hell am I supposed to be proofreading? How long is the internship supposed to last? Is it paid? Fifteen hours a week - but can I really do them on my own schedule, or is this going to severely fuck me around? Exactly how professional a resume do they want? How many other people are going to be interviewing? How the hell is this job still open, since I first heard about it a couple of weeks ago, now? I just - I absolutely cannot waste my time getting all anxious and upset about going to an interview without knowing these things FIRST. I am not the sort of person who can breeze into an office and ask these questions of the person and then turn down the job if it's offered to me but not what I can handle. I can't do it! And it is so fucking frustrating that on top of everything else, my mother is bothering me about this now.

Here's a thought, Mom: maybe if you'd let me quit my soul-sucking babysitting job MONTHS ago when I begged and all but cried because of how miserable it is, I wouldn't be so reticent now, because I'd really need the second job. But no. I have one, that you stuck me with. So fuck you.

ANYWAY SO THAT IS ALSO FEEDING INTO MY ANXIETY BUT THIS POST HAS A HAPPY ENDING FOR NOW?

Because then I was random glancing at back entries in my journal, and I found this, and I remembered why I do it. Because I love this work, and I love these kids, and in a week I'm going to once again be granted the privilege of working with them.

And it's going to be freaking awesome.
.

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