(no subject)

Today has been...surreal.

I talked to Pyrae for a few hours last night, and that was fun, and then I watched Numbers and then I did Sudoku...I think...a lot about last night was surreal, too.

Today I woke up at noon. And for the first time ever, I mean that. Usually I wake up around eight, or earlier, and lie in bed until noon, dozing intermittently. But I did not wake up until noon. And it was divine.

I knew I had to do my homework. And I...didn't. I read. All day. Except for the times when I got distracted by how brilliant "Assassin's Apprentice" is, and then I just stared into space. I may or may not have done a Sudoku puzzle at some point. I must have, because it is done, but I don't remember anything but the book.

I...haven't read in awhile. Not really. I read Swordspoint and loved it, and I read the first three Taltos books and loved them, and I suspect there was another book that I cannot remember at all. I read All the King's Men slowly and grudgingly and have no love for it, and I read A Song for Arbonne and it was good...

But I didn't read any of them. I was distant. Even with Swordspoint, undoubtedly my favorite of them all, I was distanced from it. "When's Michael coming back? Ohhhh, Alec needs a snuggle! GAH POLITICS!" With all the others, I put them down at one point or another. (Still haven't finished A Game of Thrones, which falls into the same category.)

But Assassin's Apprentice snagged me. Not from the beginning - I read the first few pages weeks ago, the day I bought it - but today it grabbed me and would not let go. It gave me a good shake. I couldn't stop, even when I realized that I had been reading for four hours straight and had to do homework now. I still can't believe it's almost Sunday, that half my weekend is gone.

Haven't had a book like that in a long time. Can't remember the last one.

There is something to be said for reading all day. I feel...cleansed. I feel better prepared to face the end of the semester, and the rest of my life. I am itching for Monday, because I am running to Borders the moment school is out, and I am buying the sequel, and the book I have on hold can be damned because I won't have enough money left for it when it comes in, but I don't care. I want more.

Oh, Robin Hobb, my new favorite author. I haven't had a new one since freshman year, when Terry Pratchett came into my life.

Now, will someone please explain to me why it is almost Sunday?

(no subject)

Writing.

...I don't know what I'm doing.

Seriously. I've switched projects so many times this year - no, last year - I can't even remember all of them. Can't remember much at all before September, when I wrote part of The Illusion of Control. Now, there's a series I have high hopes for. I loved writing it, planning it, everything about it. I don't know why I stopped. I don't know why I can't continue.

In October, I wrote most of the untitled mystery story. I really like that one. I don't know what I'm going to do with it when I finish it - I'm not sure I can ever expand it enough to make it a novel, it's so short - but I <3 the characters, and the plot isn't bad. But I can't...get past where I am. It should be simple - I know where I'm going and how I'm getting there - but the words won't come even when I try.

In November, I failed at life. Or NaNo. Whichever. Timelines was thoroughly enjoyable, if severely complicated, but too hard to write. Never made it to that punctured lung and death, never made it to the ghosts. Not sure why, really. I...think there was something else. I can't really remember.

December brought me Given Value, which has almost no words to it right now, but which consumed my thoughts for awhile because I really like tragedy, especially the unrelenting tragedy it promised to be. There was Life Support, which also has practically no words but which means something, I'm sure, if I can only get back to it and figure out what it is.

There were so many others, even in those few months, and I can't remember them. There's one I remember, but I don't know what title I gave it and I can't find it in my files at the moment.

And now there are Key-Seekers, which should not be this hard to write, and Wreckage, which should be.

Why can't I write anymore? It's always been hard to finish things, but not to write them. The titles are hard. Names are harder - one of my Wreckage MCs still has no name. It's hard. I love it, but I can't focus. At all. It's driving me crazy. It could be school. It could be my Muses telling me to finish TSPB and send it off, NOW, never mind everything else. I don't really know.

I want to write. Why can't I? And why are all the days slipping away?