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So, my grandfather died last year. Not a big deal. Not something I think about often.
But my father and his four siblings got together and decided that my brother, my sister, and I should share in the estate. We each got ninety dollars, which is not much but is still a lot for a sixteen-year-old without a job.
The thing is, they want us to use the money on something that reminds us of Grandpa.
I can't do that.
I did not know the man. We hadn't said more than the cursory greetings to each other in forever. He always scared me, actually. I never knew that he was in Korea until the funeral. I don't know what he liked, I don't know what he dreamed. I don't even know what he did for a living.
How am I supposed to buy something that reminds me of him? Short of something engraved, there is nothing in this world that I will be able to look at and immediately think, "Oh, that reminds me of Grandpa." And I'm not the biggest fan of engraved things, actually. I don't wear jewelry and I forget to wear a watch.
Ninety dollars. I could buy - I want to buy - Stargate SG-1. But that wouldn't be "right." It wouldn't remind me of him. Nothing would.
I don't know what to do. Obviously I have to do something with it. I could stick it in my college savings fund (assuming I have one - I think I do), but ten years - twenty years from now, am I going to remember that my grandfather contributed ninety dollars to my education? I really doubt that.
I could buy writing books and dedicate a novel to him. That would remind me. But I know that my current novel is dedicated to my beloved legion, and when I finish another one, would I even remember that I pledged to dedicate the next to him?
Anyway, what would it say? Hardly that he always encouraged me, because he didn't know me any better than I knew him. It doesn't have to say anything at all, I guess. Just that it's for him. But that's just a really poor excuse for buying what I want.
Ultimately, anything I use that money for is just going to be an excuse for what I want, because I don't have any memories of him that will be sparked by anything. I mean, come on. I remember my great-grandmother when I see shirts with flowers on them, because that's what she wore. I remember her because her house, her bedroom, it's all still there. And I saw her all the time. I played hide-and-seek with her before her stroke.
I never saw my grandfather's trailer. I never did anything with him. I saw him at parties, that was it.
Family is a strange thing, I think. Without that man, I would not exist, but I didn't know him, not really.
Ninety dollars, ninety dollars...
What am I going to do? I mean, besides crying for a relationship that never was, which I'm already doing for no reason that I can discern?
But my father and his four siblings got together and decided that my brother, my sister, and I should share in the estate. We each got ninety dollars, which is not much but is still a lot for a sixteen-year-old without a job.
The thing is, they want us to use the money on something that reminds us of Grandpa.
I can't do that.
I did not know the man. We hadn't said more than the cursory greetings to each other in forever. He always scared me, actually. I never knew that he was in Korea until the funeral. I don't know what he liked, I don't know what he dreamed. I don't even know what he did for a living.
How am I supposed to buy something that reminds me of him? Short of something engraved, there is nothing in this world that I will be able to look at and immediately think, "Oh, that reminds me of Grandpa." And I'm not the biggest fan of engraved things, actually. I don't wear jewelry and I forget to wear a watch.
Ninety dollars. I could buy - I want to buy - Stargate SG-1. But that wouldn't be "right." It wouldn't remind me of him. Nothing would.
I don't know what to do. Obviously I have to do something with it. I could stick it in my college savings fund (assuming I have one - I think I do), but ten years - twenty years from now, am I going to remember that my grandfather contributed ninety dollars to my education? I really doubt that.
I could buy writing books and dedicate a novel to him. That would remind me. But I know that my current novel is dedicated to my beloved legion, and when I finish another one, would I even remember that I pledged to dedicate the next to him?
Anyway, what would it say? Hardly that he always encouraged me, because he didn't know me any better than I knew him. It doesn't have to say anything at all, I guess. Just that it's for him. But that's just a really poor excuse for buying what I want.
Ultimately, anything I use that money for is just going to be an excuse for what I want, because I don't have any memories of him that will be sparked by anything. I mean, come on. I remember my great-grandmother when I see shirts with flowers on them, because that's what she wore. I remember her because her house, her bedroom, it's all still there. And I saw her all the time. I played hide-and-seek with her before her stroke.
I never saw my grandfather's trailer. I never did anything with him. I saw him at parties, that was it.
Family is a strange thing, I think. Without that man, I would not exist, but I didn't know him, not really.
Ninety dollars, ninety dollars...
What am I going to do? I mean, besides crying for a relationship that never was, which I'm already doing for no reason that I can discern?