Huh.

[naodrith]

So, my grandfather died last year. Not a big deal. Not something I think about often.

But my father and his four siblings got together and decided that my brother, my sister, and I should share in the estate. We each got ninety dollars, which is not much but is still a lot for a sixteen-year-old without a job.

The thing is, they want us to use the money on something that reminds us of Grandpa.

I can't do that.

I did not know the man. We hadn't said more than the cursory greetings to each other in forever. He always scared me, actually. I never knew that he was in Korea until the funeral. I don't know what he liked, I don't know what he dreamed. I don't even know what he did for a living.

How am I supposed to buy something that reminds me of him? Short of something engraved, there is nothing in this world that I will be able to look at and immediately think, "Oh, that reminds me of Grandpa." And I'm not the biggest fan of engraved things, actually. I don't wear jewelry and I forget to wear a watch.

Ninety dollars. I could buy - I want to buy - Stargate SG-1. But that wouldn't be "right." It wouldn't remind me of him. Nothing would.

I don't know what to do. Obviously I have to do something with it. I could stick it in my college savings fund (assuming I have one - I think I do), but ten years - twenty years from now, am I going to remember that my grandfather contributed ninety dollars to my education? I really doubt that.

I could buy writing books and dedicate a novel to him. That would remind me. But I know that my current novel is dedicated to my beloved legion, and when I finish another one, would I even remember that I pledged to dedicate the next to him?

Anyway, what would it say? Hardly that he always encouraged me, because he didn't know me any better than I knew him. It doesn't have to say anything at all, I guess. Just that it's for him. But that's just a really poor excuse for buying what I want.

Ultimately, anything I use that money for is just going to be an excuse for what I want, because I don't have any memories of him that will be sparked by anything. I mean, come on. I remember my great-grandmother when I see shirts with flowers on them, because that's what she wore. I remember her because her house, her bedroom, it's all still there. And I saw her all the time. I played hide-and-seek with her before her stroke.

I never saw my grandfather's trailer. I never did anything with him. I saw him at parties, that was it.

Family is a strange thing, I think. Without that man, I would not exist, but I didn't know him, not really.

Ninety dollars, ninety dollars...

What am I going to do? I mean, besides crying for a relationship that never was, which I'm already doing for no reason that I can discern?

Comments

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Who asked you to spend it on something that reminds you of him? Do you think they'd be understanding enough to let it go? After all, ten years from now he'll still be dead...and nothing you could have bought will replace memories you don't have. If he was a decent guy, I'd like to think he'd want his grandkids to use the money for something useful or enjoyable, not pointless tokens.

On a slightly lighter note, I'm amused at the thought of Jenna attempting to convince your parents that ninety dollars' worth of candy/toys/movies will remind her of your grandpa.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Yeah, Dad and his sibs want us to use it for that. And Mom's all on board, so I really can't get out of it.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Tell them to put it in your bank account so you can think about it for a while. That way it collects interest for you while you wait for time to pass. Once it's far enough in the future, pretend it's just a part of your normal account and pray they'll have forgotten about it.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

I actually said, very loudly, that I would like to use it for Driver's Ed. "Because then when I have a LICENSE I can remember that it was my GRANDFATHER who got it for me and not my stingy PARENTS."

Mom laughed.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

...

A good laugh or a bad laugh?

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

I think it was an "I cannot believe you're still on about the license thing" laugh.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Ugh.

By the way, one of those recs you sent me, the same author wrote a bunch of Daniel diaries. Did you read them?

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

Haven't got to it yet.

Have you read "The Other Half"?

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Um...I read all the direct links you gave me, and I'm now working my way back up the list, reading all the other ones by the same authors. So if it was one of the recs or by Anais, then I've read it.

Read the diaries. V. funny, v. detailed.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

http://www.drizzle.com/~eliade/sg_other_half.html

It's so utterly brilliant. And hot. And scary, a little. But mostly just brilliant.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Right, right, will get to it after the diaries. Which may take a few days. But never fear, I'll get there eventually.

Am going into episode withdrawal. Urgh. Have to keep reminding myself that they're back on tomorrow.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

You are such a dork.

When Dad pays me back, we'll go buy Season One, okay? Then all will be well.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

I am. I blame you, à la Tulio.

Yes, yes, it will be. Until we finish and need Season Two, and then you'll likely force me to go in on halfsies since I'll be borrowing all the tapes.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

This is true. This is very true.

I have a mysterious urge to watch "The Net." Which I haven't seen in a looong time.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

How do you go from Stargate to The Net? o.o

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

I watched Speed yesterday afternoon. Sandra Bullock was in it.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Ah.