ARGH.

[naodrith]

Thank God for mistful.

It's nice to know that I am not alone in being unable to keep my characters in control.

Joseph: Hornblower was a good show.
Zacharias: Yes, yes it was.
Joseph: Oh, I know! Since I'm supposed to be executed anyway, and God (figuratively speaking) only knows why I wasn't in the first draft, how about that finally happens?
Zacharias: Okay! And I will angst about, act tragic, and then tragically take the blame!
Joseph: And then Lasa and I can plan a jail break!
Zacharias: Only it doesn't work!
Joseph: We're brilliant. We should so be writing this story.
Nae: I refuse to kill either of you off. Because I am incapable.
Seth: Oh, and you can kill me off?
Nae: YOU'RE IN A DIFFERENT STORY SO SHUT UP.
Seth: No, really. You kill off most of the cast in my story. Including me. And I'm the cute one.
Zacharias: Good point. Good point. If he can die, why can't we?
Joseph: I'm the suicidal one here. Remember that, Zac, okay?
Nae: I DON'T LIKE WRITING DEATH SCENES.
Zacharias: And yet somehow, torture and near-fatal injuries come easily.
Nae: Yes. Precisely.
Seth: *wistfully* I wish she was actually writing my story.
Joseph: We come first. We're actually being rewritten and maybe someday published.
Zacharias: We're going to make Nae a lot of money if she can get over this COMPLETELY CHANGING THE PLOT thing.
Nae: Excuse me? I deleted three characters and added a few plot points. YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL YOU. STOP. I DON'T NEED ANY MUSES.
Joseph: But our ending needs work!
Nae: As Pyrae so gently pointed out, everyone dying DOES NOT WORK. Nor does ambiguity.
Zacharias: But everyone dying would be realistic!
Nae: I know. Pyrae said that, too.
Seth: Why don't you ever listen to Pyrae?
Nae: Because...because...because that involves...you know...listening.

In conclusion: Woe, I am never going to finish this story. Maybe I really should just go write the Holy Trilogy. Somehow it's much easier to keep the angst to a minimum when I know everyone dies anyway, if that makes any sense at all.

In the thirty minutes I have been online, I have gotten five junk emails. FIVE.

No, I cannot be bothered to put italics on anything. IS THAT OKAY?

I did find my Indigo Girls CD. But I didn't listen to it because of a series of events which took up my entire night and prevented me from doing anything else on the list.

Pyraepyraepyraepyrae, when can we watch Don Juan DeMarco? It is good. I swear. And you said you would watch it. But when? I have time. I have all the time in the world. Except that I really should be writing something. And now I must go work on my skirt. Farewell, adieu, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

Comments

Re: You really do need muses.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

The question is not about your right. It's about the publisher's right, as that's what really matters if you ever want to see any of your work in print.

Re: You really do need muses.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

I do. But ultimately, I write for me. And however delighted I would be by a bestseller, if I didn't feel that it was right, that it worked, I could never be happy with it. And if I'm not happy with my writing, then there's no point doing it anymore, is there?

Re: You really do need muses.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

There is a fine line to walk there.

Re: You really do need muses.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

I know. That's what tortures me. It's just all so - I don't know - hard. Writing is never hard when I do it for me. Sometimes it takes forever, but it isn't hard. But when I try to write what everyone says works - it doesn't work. It just isn't working anymore. I wish that I had never created the Legion. I wish it was still just you and me. I miss that. I'm so tired. I haven't written in three days but I'm so tired of it. I don't want to do this anymore.

It's like, I loved this world and these characters when I started out. And I still love them but everyone else keeps telling me how to make them better, but I don't want them better. Because their better is not my better. I never asked for what's happening in the story now. It's the product of people pushing me for new chapters.

I think I'm going to stop, Pyrae. I think I'm going to go back to wherever I stopped using only you for beta-ing, and scrap everything and start again. I think that could work.

Re: You really do need muses.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Whatever you feel will work. Deadlines can be nice; being pushed for more than you can manage rarely helps.

Re: You really do need muses.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

NaNo helped.

The Legion didn't.

I feel much better now.

Re: You really do need muses.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Becaue NaNo gives deadlines but doesn't send people to whine about when characters are going to do things you don't intend for them to do.

Re: You really do need muses.

[naodrith.livejournal.com]

Exactly.