Why does this have to be so hard?

I know I say this pretty much every day, but why, oh why, does rewriting have to be so hard?

The first draft of TSPB was 250 pages, 100,000 words. I consider that to be too long, and there were a lot of useless characters and strange subplots everywhere. So I cut the characters and modified the plot.

Now, here's the current dilemma. Without the subplots and, actually, one part of the main plot, the story is going to end far too soon - or, if not, the characters are definitely going to get to the next plot point far too quickly. And I don't know what to do about it! I know what happens next, I think I know where I'm going, but the pacing is off and I can't fix it! I hate this I hate this I hate this aaaaargh.

And, Pyrae, I need your expertise. I've been reading the tips over at NaNoEdMo (which you should read if you haven't). This is, according to the guy who does tips, the only absolute rule of writing:

Your first paragraph must let the reader the know about the tone of the entire piece, must be a microcosm of the whole damn novel.

But I can't do that. I can't. It's supposed to start calmly, with only the slightly sinister government-choosing-jobs thing. But by the end everything just explodes into blood and war and angst and I don't know how to convey that in the first paragraph. *sob* I need heeeeeelp...

ETA: ( Character Death - Spoilery )

Huh.

So, my grandfather died last year. Not a big deal. Not something I think about often.

But my father and his four siblings got together and decided that my brother, my sister, and I should share in the estate. We each got ninety dollars, which is not much but is still a lot for a sixteen-year-old without a job.

The thing is, they want us to use the money on something that reminds us of Grandpa.

I can't do that.

I did not know the man. We hadn't said more than the cursory greetings to each other in forever. He always scared me, actually. I never knew that he was in Korea until the funeral. I don't know what he liked, I don't know what he dreamed. I don't even know what he did for a living.

How am I supposed to buy something that reminds me of him? Short of something engraved, there is nothing in this world that I will be able to look at and immediately think, "Oh, that reminds me of Grandpa." And I'm not the biggest fan of engraved things, actually. I don't wear jewelry and I forget to wear a watch.

Ninety dollars. I could buy - I want to buy - Stargate SG-1. But that wouldn't be "right." It wouldn't remind me of him. Nothing would.

I don't know what to do. Obviously I have to do something with it. I could stick it in my college savings fund (assuming I have one - I think I do), but ten years - twenty years from now, am I going to remember that my grandfather contributed ninety dollars to my education? I really doubt that.

I could buy writing books and dedicate a novel to him. That would remind me. But I know that my current novel is dedicated to my beloved legion, and when I finish another one, would I even remember that I pledged to dedicate the next to him?

Anyway, what would it say? Hardly that he always encouraged me, because he didn't know me any better than I knew him. It doesn't have to say anything at all, I guess. Just that it's for him. But that's just a really poor excuse for buying what I want.

Ultimately, anything I use that money for is just going to be an excuse for what I want, because I don't have any memories of him that will be sparked by anything. I mean, come on. I remember my great-grandmother when I see shirts with flowers on them, because that's what she wore. I remember her because her house, her bedroom, it's all still there. And I saw her all the time. I played hide-and-seek with her before her stroke.

I never saw my grandfather's trailer. I never did anything with him. I saw him at parties, that was it.

Family is a strange thing, I think. Without that man, I would not exist, but I didn't know him, not really.

Ninety dollars, ninety dollars...

What am I going to do? I mean, besides crying for a relationship that never was, which I'm already doing for no reason that I can discern?